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Development of Friendships

The research literature on the concept of friendship indicates there are four levels between early childhood and adolescence. The four levels are summarised as follows:

Level 1: Approximately 3 to 6 years
The child recognises that games and activities cannot happen unless there is an element of turn taking.
However,  a friend is seen as someone who gives you things or someone you play with.
Friendship is based on proximity and physical attributes.

Level 2: Approximately 6 to 9 years
There is an increasing understanding of reciprocity.
The likes and dislikes of the other person are more likely to be considered with friendship.
There is also a new awareness of the motives, thoughts and feelings of others.
When asked Why is _____ your friend? The typical response is He lets me play the games I want to, Because she comes to my party and I go to hers or She's nice to me.

Level 3: Approximately 9 to 13 years
The child is more aware of other peoples opinions of them and how their words and actions affect the feelings of others. Friendship can be based on shared experience or common interests.
There is a greater care in choosing friends with an increased value placed on personal attributes such as trust, loyalty and keeping rather than breaking promises.
When asked Why is _____ your friend, the typical response is He sticks up for me and helps me with my maths homework, She enjoys doing the things I like to do

Level 4: Adolescence to adult
Peer group acceptance becomes more important than the opinions of parents.
Desire to be understood by friends and sharing information. Recognition that there are different types of friendship - from acquaintances to close friends.
When asked Why is _____ your friend, the typical response is Because we think the same way about things.

Think about which level best describes your child

Further information: http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/books-by-tony-m/archived-papers/75-understanding-and-teaching-friendship-skills

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